I SAW HER!!!!  The Lady who lived next to the cow, but now lives next door to the Pope, but who used to live with the country with Red Heads (I don't know what that means) and who likes blue rocks.

HI!!!!  We love you and we miss you.  If I am good will you come home?

I got the best present for my birthday.  Well, my unbirthday.  Grandpa bought me a pool.  This is what "wet dog" looks like:

This is me as a Water Dog.  Grandpa got new filters and more new filters and a scoop so that he and Nana can collect my hair and make sweaters out of it.  I finally was able to train Nana to brush my hair evey day for an hour.  She is going to open a Dog Hair Wool Store and make lots of money.

This is the BEST news EVER!!!  Nana is allergic to CATS!  No wonder she is so nasty about cats.  I mean, I kinda like them, and so does Todd.

Nana's nose looks like this:

Only the nose is on her. 

Do you know the cat and dog theory?

It goes like this:  If a person you are interested in has 1 cat, go for lunch because it is time-limited and if they are crazy you can run away.  IF they have 2 cats, have a nice cup of cocoa (with marshmellows and whipped cream, 4 sugars) so you can leave really fast.  If the person has more than 2 cats, like 3 or 4 or 5, run away.  Fast.  Cats are like dog hair, they take over their person's life.

Now, DOGS - well.  its simple.  IF you have 1 dog, lucky you.  If you have 2 dogs, you are really lucky.  If you have 3 or 4 or 5 or 5 you are super duper lucky but you need a second job.

Hahahhhaaa.  That's what Nana says.  Kaaaaatchu

Nana seems unwilling to allow me to ride in the front seat of the car.  I do not understand this.  Toddie gets to ride in the front seat until HE decides to get in the back seat, where I have to move to make room for His Royal Highness.

So.  When Nana left the door open, I decided that she needed to learn that I was a Front Seat Dog. 

Nana, who is getting old and blind, did not see me until she got in the car.  I decided not to look at her, not to listen to her (although she had some choice words to say to me) and I decided not to move.  Haha Nana.

Well.  Not so Haha.  Nana got out and opened MY car door and ordered me (ORDERED!!!) (ME!!!!!!!!!!!!) out.  Then I didn't get to go.  Nana gave me The Look just before she closed the door.

But you know what?  She forgets and when she came home, she brought me a treat.  Hahahhaaaa.

As you should all be aware...I am not a Gold Fish.  I am a Golden Retriever. AKC. 

"Leave me alone!"

This is me guarding.  I take my position as Officer of the Court very seriously and so I am standing here.

 

Did you know that there are 5 walls in the history of the World that kept people apart?  One was built by the Emporer Haidrian to keep Nana's great grandpas away from Grandpa's Great Grandpas.  Another one was built in China and it is the Great Wall of China so you would know where it was.  The third wall was in Berlin and it chopped a city into 2 pieces and was not nice (Ein iz a Berliner too), and the 4th was in Sedona and it kept the tourists away from the hunters during hunting season.  The wall in this picture helps people on my side have peace of mind. 

 

Nana says having peace of mind is important.  That is why I am standing here.  

 



 

 

CATS!

As you may be aware, I lead a very sheltered life.  Squirrels, rabbits and Nana are the only things I chase.  Oh, Nana just reminded me that I chase The Boy on his bicycle and butterflys.  (Oh and by the way, You Know Who, b-u-t-t-e-r-f-l-y-S is a perfectly ligitimate way to spell butterflies).  However, I don't chase them often.  I usually just sit and vibrate.

I was specifically taught not to chase a creature called a CAT.  So I did not, have not, do not.  But I found one.  See?

AS you can plainly see, A CAT is a VERY dangerous creature and it is required by Law to keep it in a cage at all times.  Nana is muttering something about King James but I think His Honor trumps King James.

And The Cat hissssed at me.  Very rude.

Hello to all my fans, friends and family!

Here is the latest...I am one very lucky dog.  I did so well at school (Thanks Miss Jan) that Nana said I could go to Court.

I thought that would involve wigs and long robes like what Uncle Bob wears.  But NO! I didn't have to.  I was determined by His Honor to be valuable as a special comfort assistive canine and to help my friends when they have to attend court.  I got to go with Miss Jan and Miss Julie and Nana and my Very Special Friends.  I was very happy to go and do my duty.

This is me ready for action at the Courthouse for Superior Court.

Nana said that I was the First Dog to be allowed to attend Court in Yaviapi County.  I know that I have to set a very good example so that other people can have Canine Advocates come to court too.

Nana said that it is a privilage to serve.  I want to do my part as a Good Citizen and I hope that other dogs will be able to be Canine Victim Advocates too.

If you want to know more about this program, ask Nana.

I have friends!

Everyone wants to be liked and have friends.  I have friends now and I learned to let them sniff me out, and be the right size so I didn't scare them, and remember to be nice and keep my teeth to myself.

I learned that little dogs like Todd can be scared so I lay down so they are not surprised by my tail.  Here are some pictures of my homies:

I tried to get them to sit down for a Group Shot...but they are important dogs and they have places to go and people to see.   Watch out for Lonnie's tail there!

Nana said we were "milling around".  I like that..."millin'"...I gotta go because it is time for me to mill.

MY BIRTHDAY!!!

I am officially ONE YEAR OLD.  So, Nana said that it was important to have a party.  Then she talked to me about being humble and grateful. 

This is a picture of me being humble.  (See Todd back there?  I don't have to share on my birthday)

And THIS is me being grateful.  Thank you to everyone who came to my party.  Thank you for the dragon Miss Jan.  And thank you for all the presents!  I have eaten all of them except the hot-dog and Todd's bear.  (Nana took the bear away)

I finished removing the nasty white stuff from the dragon and he is feeling better now.  Nana picked it up and threw it out.  Thanks Nana.

Nana can bark out the Happy Birthday song.  Did you know that?  Don't ask her to do it for you.

Nana invited Dr. Chris to come to the playroom.  Dr. Chris is wonderful and she is the Leader of a large pack.  She brought Macy with her and Macy and I danced.

This dance is called the Rhummmmbaaam.  Macy is going to go to school and maybe someday she will get a medal like me. 

I like Macy alot.  She has a pet mouse what is a girl but looks like Todd. 

Have you missed me?

Lots of stuff to tell you.  Nana is being mean again and wouldn't let me on the computer because I have no opposible thumbs.  So I couldn't tell you about this:

 

As you can plainly see, I have my own golf cart and it is a caddielac and I drive it around as I play golf.  You may have seen me at the Lakes Open when I was a great resource to Adam Scott.  He totally disagreed with me on that last shot and as you are well aware, he should have listened to me.

On account of my being such a great golfer, I have been invited to play at Scotch Open on the 19th hole.  I have ordered my kilt.  The Boy will come with me to play the pipes.

Up and DOWN

Nana has 44,000 words to use everyday.  She has to talk fast to get them all in because she only has 24 hours.  I decided that I would sit in The Other Chair and listen to some of them.

I got tired of them.

So, I did what any normal dog would do and I...

got DOWN.

Nana, don't forget to turn off the light.  hehheeee.  Poor Nana, talking to herself in the dark.

On and OFF

Sometimes people come to say things to Nana so she can help them know what they know inside.  Nana says the people are brave and already know what they need to know to solve their problems and just need us to help them "turn on the light". 

I have no idea what that means although I know it has something to do with a box on the wall called "switch".  I am going to ask my teacher if I should use my paws or my teeth.

ANYWAY, Nana waves her hand over switch and I have light.  I like light...floaty butterflys come in the light and I get to chase them.  But tonight I learned something new and I am very excited. 

I  HAVE ANOTHER DOG INSIDE OF ME!  He comes out in the light.

Look at this!!!

See him???  He is flat and bigger than me.  I pounced on him and squished him flat. 

He does everything I do only taller.  Nana laughed and laughed at me.  She said it was my shadow and she would sew it back on in the morning because she is Wendy.

I have no idea what she is talking about...but then, I rarely do. 

Sometimes

Sometimes my job is to listen and be ready to JUMP UP and run around to give loving.  People are very brave and when they have scary things to talk about to Nana, I am right there, helping them know that whatever happened is over now, that they are safe, that Nana and me are Ninjas who kick people in the ????   just a minute...WHAT, NANA???

Oh.  Nana is not a ninja.  And well behaved good citizens don't be ninjas either.  Rats!


A lot she knows.  I AM a ninja and so is Grandpa. Ha!  This is a picture of T.  She came by to love on me and pet on me and tell me wonderful things about my self.  She brought sweet tea but Nana LOOKED at me so I politly said no thank you for asking.  Ninja's are polite.

My g..i..rrrrl, talkn' 'bout ma girrrrl.....

This is me at work with my girl.  I love my girl, she hides behind me and tip-toes up and grabs my fur and I jump high in the air and we ride all around the world.  We use a sleigh and we get presents.  Its wonderful.  We go to Canada so Nana can get some honey and chocolate, and the mall so Girl can get some pretties.  Then we fly home.  A wonderful adventure.....You can come next time.

Special Job

I am just a working dog...
Nana always lets me come to the office when I am not delivering kleenex, I have to do paperwork (just kidding) and play with my kids.  Sometimes, when Nana does not need my immediate attention I sit under the Pookie Tree.

Nana painted the Pookie Tree and the children will put their dolls on its branches.  When I sit under it, I can look up and see "my" kiddos.

You can see some of my kids.  Aside from the fact that I can't talk like Nana who uses 45,000 words a day, I won't tell you the names of my kids.  It is con-fi-den-tial. Like a secret for me to know and you can't find out.

Hmmm.  This tree is a Pookie tree.  It only grows in Nana offices.

Frosted

Frosted is my new word.  Thanks to The Great Nana, I can now use my vocabulary to say more than Grr.
I can say Frosted.

Here is me being frosted about Todd taking my bone again.  I am also waiting patiently for my new patient.  I love meeting new people, especially the girls.  I love girls. 

I didn't do that scratch.  There is a pokie thingie that drags there. Todd might have done it.

Anyway, I saw my Dr. Oler and got weighed.  I am now 90 pounds and 4 ounces.  Good Dog!!!

Hahhhhaahahhhaaaaaaahhhhhaaa, too bad for you Todd.

Pool Boy

Nana took me to unca's and The Great Nana and The Great Grandpa was there and there was a pool.  Everyone got into the water and I stayed out and watched over them.   I love my Greats.  They petted on my alot.   That makes me happy.

Unca has The Boy so I am keeping good watch so Unca does not drop him in the water.  I would have had to save him by jumping into the pool.

Everybody teased me and finally I got into (sorry Unca about the hair floating, I bet you have good filters!).

But THIS really frosts me, just look:

Do you see WHO is in the pool and WHO is not?  I was snucker-punched.  Somebody should have called the police.

One step for Man, One Flag for Bailey

Hahahaaaahhhaaa...look what I found!  It was sticking up right on the golf course and I don't think it should be there.  So I brought it home for Nana.  She likes pink which is a color that I do not wear. 

Nana did not appreciate it as much as she should have and made all kinds of hallabaloo about the wire in my mouth (not have opposibile thumbs, where else would I carry it?).  And she calls ME over-reactive. 

Maybe she could add a ribbon and put it into her hair...

Grandpa, this is too much

Grandpa, PLEASE!!!

He took my new bone! 

Nana says I am over-reacting and Todd is too little to take that bone but I ask you...WHO is right there!!!??

And he snarles at me. 

GRANDPA!!!

Grandpa, I just want to know how much I suffer when you are not here.  I get no respect.  Just look at this!!!

And there is something in my water that he put in there just to freak me out!

THEN he did this:

AGAIN!  And Nana KNOWS!!! and she laughs.  Grandpa, you need to come home and put Todd in time out.  Nana too.

So when Nana went to see a new baby, she was comin home and all these people were sitting outside...something that Nana does not do.  Odd.  She decided to stop too because Nana is very cat-like in her curiosity (which will get her into big trouble someday). And she looked up and saw this:

This is the moon walking in front of the sun which is very rude.  But! Can you see the pink ears?  Those are the ears of a big pink rabbit.  He had better stay there OR ELSE!  Rabbits are very pushy and have to be in all pictures if they can.

Oh and...Nana used her sunglasses and a dark piece of paper with a pin hole in it because she has brown eyes. 

Happy Weekend!

Nana has been slacking lately and not taking my picture.  I have no idea whats wrong with her.  She said "allergies" and so I brought her some kleenex.  Did you think she should have taken my picture???  YES she should have.

Where we live there are rabbits and quail and bobcats and other smells that Nana can't identify.  (And she thinks she is so smart!)  Nana says that I can't leave the yard when clearly I can.  What I MAY not do is leave the yard.  So here's me, not leaving the yard:

There is a rabbit right across the street.  I think it is the same rabbit that dared to walk on my yard and whom I chased back across the street and around the house.  Hahahahaha...Silly wabbit.

Medals

Hi,
You all know me as a somewhat snarky dog.  But I work hard and I am good at what I do and I know this because Nana told me so when she kissed me.  I got a medal for being a Good Citizen.  See?

You have to tilt your head right.  Right!  -> That way.


BUT,
I have to stop and say I know that this is not a REAL medal.  Real medals go to dogs who work at war, who protect us like the PANT dogs, and the police dogs and the bomb sniffers and the army dogs and even the Sea dogs. These four-legged soldiers earn the real medals and I am proud of them and the people who help them be all they can be.

So this Memorial Day, I salute you...with a tail wag and a kiss from Nana.  May you always be protected.

PS. Sea dogs work with the Coast Guard and the Search and Rescue Crews.  Yohah. Something like that.

We are laid out.  Like brackets around a bunch of chocolate strawberries that we can't have.  Nana is so mean.

I have been so good.  But oh no!  No strawberries for me. 

Toddie has NOT been good but now he is laid out too.  He BEGGED!  No self-respect.

see?

Begging.  Ah Todd, you shouldn't oughta do this.  See? Begging makes your eyes look like devil dog eyes.  Where is your pride, dogo?

And if Nana says that I was begging too, she is telling a whooper.

Poor Nana

Dear Grandpa,
You need to come home.  Nana throws like a girl.

I gave her 2 balls so she could practice and I am patient with her but please Grandpa she needs lessons.  Here I am waiting for the other ball because I am not going to run up there so I can get another ball thrown 10 feet.  So I am waiting...

We are trying again. Poor Nana.  Such a klutz.

Oh and Grandpa, she won't share the strawberries.

Warning

Ok.  Nana made me promise to tell you that if you put white things in your mouth you will maybe choke like I did and you will be a very sorry dog.  So don't do it, ok?

How do you like this picture?

What you are priviledged to look at are MY GAMS!  Llllooook at those gams.  You see the form and the well shapped legs that go clear to the top.  They are soft and hold-handable.  And I have mush cream on the pads in case I have to go mush.

I have to go.  I meeting with my manager.  ta ta for now...




                                                                                      ....whadda you mean I gotta have a bath? Nana!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(Grandpa - she is killing us. come home!) (PS don't tell her I told you.)

Heimlech Man-ooover

"Almost lost my life tonight, didn't I girl..."  "Almost had your hooks in me, didn't ya nana?"

I have these bone-type things that do dental attention to my fine teeth.  I got one and was doing my personal toiletry as a gentleman should and it !!!! splintered off and I started to choke.

So I said, "Go Toddie, my best friend, gggggoooooooo get Nana.  I AM sorry.  I am i AM.  Please Todd, I am fading here....

So Toddie got up for a drink of water and a peek of the strawberries, a stretch, a little walk around...

PLEASE TODDDDDIIIIEEEEE.  I can't breathe here.

Ta da!  And heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees Nana.

Then the fur went a flying.
Nana knew just what to do:  she stepped behind me and did the Dogleck Dogooover.  She put her fists under me and wanked me up off the ground. Then she did it again. and again.  And then splat some ozzzzy white thing came out of my mouth.  Wow, I was glad to see that go. 

Whew it was a close one.  I am so relieved that I ate Toddie's dinner.  Todd and me, we're tight, we're buds.

Nana's back?  Ah don kn naughm abou no bauk.  Donja knew dat i aint the bauk-keeper, donja kno dat?
She ken git one a dose hers own self.  Ah don hav' tim ta wait on her han an foot.

Anyway me and the Todster are wiped.  we be sleepin' ifin y'ole wan us....nigh

Domestic Terrorists

Once upon a time, there streams of sweet smells wafting out the open windows with mothers singing as they pulled hot cookies from the oven just in time for thier little darlings to run in the door with eager faces, anxious to show their loving mothers the works that even Michaelanglo's mother would praise.

Once upon a time the home smelled of fresh home made bread, lemon pledge, waxed floors and fresh flowers.  Linens were ironed, skivvies were starched, pillows fluffed and we were all reading The Classics like Little House on the Praire, Rebecca of Sunnybrooke Farm and Little Women, Lassie.


Get over it because that was then and this is now.  No more Mrs. Mommy!  Its the fly-by-night Nana-shrink who mentally calculates when she has to wash the floor just before Grandpa gets home.  Today is the age of the Gemini - a fierce battle-hardened Nana who does what she wants when she wants, especially if it involves ice cream.

Take heed You Guys out there!  This is just in to headquarters:

These poor poor little duffers, they are workin' dogs...trying to get a whiff of their kibble by sorting sox.(socks).  There is no pension plan, no workdogs comp, no time off, no chocolate.  Its a labour camp!

The MOMMIES ARE GOOOONE!!!

Watch out for the Nanas...

You can call me Master

I passed my Good Citizen's Exam.  We didn't use pencils (Still no thumbs) and Nana (of course) blew it and gave me a treat so we had to do one test again (I got her trained, enh?)  (I am Canadian...by adoption).  BUT in spite of Nana, I passed. 

It was very stressful:

I was sleeping and she woke me.  But really, you can see my eyes are staring off into the future when I will get my International Therapy Dog Designation.  My eyes are staring at a small Carribean island where all Cues run free and there are no limits on beef jerky.

Todd is not talking to me.

Saddles

As you can see I am a working dog.  This is my friend.  I love her and she loves me.  She has not tried to ride me yet.  Grandpa is saying something about a saddle.  Nana's eyes get slinty.  I suspect I will not get a saddle.
I don 't think that her mom would let me put a saddle on her.  I have no idea how I would hold the reins.  But galloping.  I can do galloping. 

I am learning to jump over Todd.  Nana laughs and says that the quick big dog jumped over the lazy shizt zoo.  I can't spell that.

Behind bars

I am stuck because of my integrity to remian behind the bars as I have been asked to do.  As you can see, it is a boatload of monkees...fun.  I got to watch the grass grow.

Actually there was a Ladies Tournament and they rode in their little carts and everyone who saw me when "aaaaahhhhh, isn't he so sweet".  I smiled and gave them my usual hard to get attitude.

Ahhhhh, isn't he cute.  AHHHHHHH....say it again.

I have friends!

You know Toddie.  You saw how pretty Cue is.  Now I want you to meet my other friends.  Toddie is a picture hog.  GET OUT OF THE WAY Toddie!

Copper is our friend...don't worry about the wall dude, its ok.  He is a traveler, a roaming free-spirited dog who rides the rails, who lets fresh air flow through his ears.

So, Coop. where ever you are today, know that we love you dude and hope yu bring the other dude home with you.  Yup, "keep the wheels between the lines and the dog bowl clean"  You be fine.
love, Bailey and Toddie

I did guard duty today. 

I did my duty.  I did not allow anyone to park here because I wouldn't move.  But THESE people! You wouldn't believe them!  They swish right by me.  I can't read but I know its says "customer parking ONLY"  It does not say anythng about parking cars.  Park your customers right here. 
I won't bite them.

Nose2nose

This an old Doggin ritual where the Biggest Dog of the world meets with the younger Dog and they brush noses with out smashing them.  There is no inappropriate sniffing or you are asked to leave.  Manners and sedate dignified movements are suggetive of the queen mum.  

The end results a securing a formal acquaintance that will stand the young duffer in good stead.

Ta ta for now. yup yup

Empathy is a good thing.

Now, I am not here to sell Kleneex although Nana uses the boxes with the flowers on it.  I like flowers and the box...

OK.  So.  I am growing up.  I weight 82.6 pounds because the scale at Dr. Oler's office said so.  That means that I am getting smarter.  I am a working dog and my job is to love people and help them know that they are good and are brave. 

So we have some friends in our office and we were loving them just as hard as we could and there were tears.  So I did what I needed to do and I went and got her a kleenex from the box on the table.  I knew it had to be clean so I pulled it from the box on the table  (At least Nana thought so because it was clean) and brought it to her. 

It got very quiet in the room and then I got petted.  I sooooo love that.  But, you know, sometimes people just need a kleenex and a loving paw.

I do the Hokey Pokey.

We need to be honest about this.  Nana is not good with her left and rights.  She got her wrong and rights done pat thanks to Great Grandpa and Great Nana, but left rights left...not so much.  She would not make a good Marine.

So it is great fun to watch her do the Hokey Pokey.  Nana!  Pay Attention!!  You put your LEFT paw in and you take your LEFT paw out!  And then you shake it all about.  THAT is what its all about.

No Nana.  That is your right paw.  Lets try this again.

You put your RIGHT paw in.  You put your RIGHT paw out.  You put your right paw in and you shake it all about.  You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around...

  Hey!  NANA!!  I am talking to you!!!  Get back in here...

No cookie for you.