THIS creature is our newest cousin.  Obviously he knows nothing about taking a bath.  He sheds. I am going to stay with him for a while and teach him the manners necessary to dine with the Queen.

Winston is going to jail.  There simply is no reasoning with that animal.  Unca Bob came and they had a word but Unca Bob does not know that Winnie knows that he won't be taking that class action suit against Nana about the incident of the flip flops.  So Winston doesn't even listen to Unca Bob. 

Winston has been taking home visits from a parole officer but the minute that red car goes 'round the corner, Winston is back pruning the gardenias and roses.  One of these days, Nana is going to plant dynamite in the rose beds.  Bye Bye Winnie.

Yes, I did notice that the sneak Winston the Bad got into the picture.   I will take care of that later

Happy morning to you!  Good morning!  Its a lovely morning.  I had beans and Hill's diet for breakfast and I want to tell EVERYONE but especially YOU that I am now The Svelte Bailey the Good.

I am down to 118 pounds and I am so happy.  I think I will put Nana on this diet.  Yes, it will be better for her than all that chocolate that she chases down with Dr. Pepper.  Between you and me, diet Dr. Pepper is not a compensation for a WHOLE unshared chocolate bar.

Don't I look grand?????

I bet dat you dinno dat I was a Bird Dog.  I am a very good bird dog because I hardly ever eat them.  But dis guy is gonna be sorry dat he decided to park here.  So, bye, I gotta go....because he has ta go.

I am so humiliated!!!!
For the first time in my whole life I have fleas.  So does Winston and Nana and Grandpa and it is all Winston's fault.  He went to jail and you know the saying..."IF you lie down with the dogs, you get up with the fleas".  

We are fumigating the house and the dog-mobile and I want Nana to spank Winston but she won't.  

I am all about justice and I am going to call Unca Bob.

Yours truly, Bailicus Quo Vadis Honey




Dis is Winston Something de le Creme, Winston the Best.  I did not bring dose fleaz in two dis hose.  Bailey did dat.  I wan Granpa to spank Bailey and I hav to tell him dat.  I can see doz birds and so I havs to go.  After I call Unca Bob about a class action sut against Bailey The Liar, Nana the Do Nothing and Granpa - if he doz not spank Bailey - granpa The Non Spanker.

Gotta go Winston The Best

And I is lerning how too sing.  This is ME, Winston The Best
 
 

And Miss Jan...
You know that we love you and you know that we know you love us and we know you know that we know.

Its Winston.  He wants to run wild and free.  He wants to be a bad dog.  I am Bailey the Good and I have medals and I know what I am supposed to do.

So does Winston.  But he is Winston the Bad.

                                                  Winston The Bad

I am calling Unca Bob.  I need a re-training order.

I am in Boot Camp again.  I can't even talk about this.

It is all Winston's fault. 

Somebody is going to pay for this. 

To Whom It May Concern:
This is a picture of me, Sir Bailey the Good, Bailicus Quo Vadis Honey, done by a very sweet young man and I think it is fantastic. Nana helped with it and he bestowed it upon me.  Nana had nothing to do with it, as you can clearly tell from the quality of the rendering.

I would like it to be sold as I need the money to pay Winston's bail.  He is going to need it.

Yours truly,
Bailey

Dear Unca Bob,

We have a little problem.  This is me, Winnie,  So like I say, we have a little problem.  I need you to sue Nana.
Yes, I know! I am shocked too.

But it is all her fault.  She went to a semminary and left me lone with Grandpa and Bailey.  Then Grandpa left me ALL ALONE with Bailey and you know how Bailey is not trustwordy. So Bailey did this wicket thing and when Grandpa got home I did not get a treat.
And when Nana came home, her what I depend on to tell the truth, did not verdeefly what Grandpa and Bailey said and so she abandoned me to my scant defenses and I feel insecure now.

See what Bailey did???

As you can planely see, Unca Bob, this was Bailey because the hole is so wide and deep and we all know that he has great big paws and I have dainty paws so this is his PAW PRINT!  HIS!!! BAILEY'S PAWS

Oh Unca Bob,
Get out of the way, Winston. You are a bad dog.  Unca Bob, this is Bailey, the good dog.  We all know that the best predictor of behavior is recent past behavior.  We know these things.  I will stipulate for the record that Nana had to go to a class. That Grandpa, bless his heart, had to go out. We know who really did this and his name is WINSTON the POOH.

Winston cannot sue Nana because a) he has not standing here.  He was standing THERE. And b) he cannot pay you and family relationships can only go so far.  And c) He is about to be arrested and you are THERE and he is HERE.

We all miss you and its 100 degrees here.  Not THERE.  love, Bailey

Aren't I beautiful?  Winnie is not.  I just came from work where I loved a girl into doing what she needed to do.  She rewarded me with lots of cookies, more than Grandpa needs to know about.

I don't mind the cookies, really.  I mean I eat a special diet that explodes in my tummy so I can lose weight and return to my normally svelt self.  OF course, I have trained Grandpa to add home made chicken and asparagus and broccoli and beans to it, el dante of course.  A dainty?  I dunno for sure but it is supposed to be sort of crunchy.

Nana is having chocolate and diet Dr. Pepper for her special diet. 

One of us has lost weight and one of us has not.

One of us had to BUY new shoes because she did not win the contest and one of us did not.
Overall, one of us is doing really well and the other...needs more new shoes.

Obviously I am a Front Seat Dog.  Winston is a back seat dog.  I had to go to work, I was needed ASAP, right away, vite!, tout suite, GET OUT OF THE VAN WINSTON!!!!

Does he get out?  No.  He wants to drive.  He has seen Grandpa drive and it looks easy.  Sure, except for the lack of opposable thumbs and the ability to reach the pedals.  And the lack of a key. 

So I calmly called Nana who reasoned with Winston the Nail Eater in some sort of psychobabble and eventually Grandpa got him out.

That DOG!

We were late, of course so Nana was cross and I had to regroup.  That DOG.

I am just saying that our favorite Girl got married. It was all very lovely and we are - The Royal We - very happy with him new self. He came to visit, Girl brought him in like a present that I bring in when Nana comes home and we did our very best to cover him in fur so he won't forget us.

Nana went to the wedding alone because White Face and me were banned so Grandpa had to take us home and LOOK at THIS!!!

A CRIME with an PRESUMPTUOUS CRIMINAL CAUGHT IN THE NEFARIOUS ACT!

YES They did.  "They" because this sly wicked creature of the night was not alone!  Filled the innocent bridal vehicle with balloons, they did!  Put poppers on the muffler, they did!!  Used shoe polish on the windows, they did!!! Advertised the state of marriage, they did!!!! Defaced the car, they did!!!!! Put stuff in the trunk, they did!!!!!!  All in the spirit of good fun, they said.

And YET.  And YET Nana walked away, she did. 
shame on her.

This is our newest cousin. We are almost fond of him.  We are told that he is the "BEST DOG EVER" until he ate the tree, 3 pairs of shoes and dented the car with his tail.

I, Bailey The Good, am the BEST DOG EVER.

I have to work tomorrow.  Too hot.

So in happy anticipation of my little people coming, I submitted to a Professional Grooming Fluff and Buff.
Obviously I went here:

And except for the part about "Self Serve", Nana did pretty well.  She dropped off me and What-his-name and we were fluffed and buffed.  Just for the record, I am already buff but I don't want to hurt Winston's feelings.

Winston was in trouble anyway because he flipped at the beach on his leash and Nana flopped face down in the mud and he took off to chase some stupid birds while I tried to help Nana get up.  I didn't really want to be seen with her or smelled with her but she had the keys.  Winston eventually noticed that Nana had her "face" on her and he was riiiiiiipe and no longer a white dog.  He came back and Nana marched his sorry self to the van and took us home.  She then proceeded to HOSE me and that rat-dog down with cold water and put up back in the van to take us to the Bath House. 

So, in terms of keeping score: Its Nana zero, beach 2.  Stay tuned. 

He copies everything I do, including looking cute.  Terminal cuteness.  And now Nana lets him get under the covers and snuggle for a hour in the morning while I just stand there. 

And he smiles like a dolphin.  Dimples, smile lines around his eyes.  Its sick.

But note to Winston...you are going to get shot.  Hahahaha.  Oops...A shot.  He gets A shot.

And my brother has a girl friend who takes him out and he is too young to be out walking with a girl and who knows what they are up to?  Nana seems okay with this, maybe even grateful and Grandpa is just whistling Dixie so I sit myself down by the window and watch out for them.

I doubt they are being naughty but these are uncertain times.  I am just saying...

So my brother's name is Winston. He is a British Cream Golden Retriever who will not return a thing.  Unlike me, it is not his dignity that causes him to not retriever. It is his contrary nature. I do not understand this as Grandpa is British and he Retrieves but Winston will not.

Nana says it is because his inhibition button is stuck on "I won't". Grandpa says it is because he is a badly behaved dog.  Nana says he is really lovable (ha!).  Grandpa says she is spoiling him. I say he is a badly behaved spoiled - rotten excuse of a dog.

Today was a perfect example.  I was minding my own business, sniffing the grass at the post box when Winston goes NUTS and I amble over to meet the Belgium melly-something and Winston is pulling Nana into what is clearly going to be a un-United Nations international incident and I am YELLED at to GET OVER HERE!. I miss out on making a friendship and get unceremoniously hauled home where I am scolded vigorously over something I didn't do.  Winston was the BAD DOG.  Not me.  Clearly I need Unca Bob because I want to Sue someone. Frank is busy but Sue should do something.  I need re-com-pense.  Instead all I got was a fence.  Bob.  Pense. Pence? Shillings Spice?  I don't know but Grandpa better call someone.

Pence.  Isn't he someone I should know?  I will call him.  He is probably not busy. 

Hello.  Contrary to the rumors, Dogs do have 11 lives.  Nana, unfortunately has only one so there is lots to tell you because she has been neglectful and she is sorry.

I have a brother.  He is ornery, difficult, obstreperous, a thief, chewer of pillows, eater of nails, inclined towards felonious behavior, cat chaser, bird stalker, tree climber, wood eater, jumper-upper, rabbit chaser (he ain't caught a rabbit and he ain't no friend of mine) (although in all fairness I chased the rabbit momentarily until I noticed it was a bunny) and sheds.

So.  Nana is shamelessly using my blog to flog her favorite shoes - which my brother ate (sorry Grandpa didn't know) which are Salt water sandals.  He ate the brown ones, not the navy ones because we are Navy people and they are out of the country and thus safe from his teeth.
Nana has other people - lets call them girls - in her life.  6 of them and they all had pink salt waters and they would wade in the ocean on Saturday and Nana would rinse them and the girls would wear them, bright and PINK to Church the next day.  Nana loves her salties and my brother got a FIRM discussion with the penny can (which scares the stuffing out of him and me) and Nana sprayed them with Bitter Apple and my brother will not be touching those again.

And now, those girls have girls and guess who wears salties? Yup.  All the girls.  And the boys, who will not wear pink are up the Creek without a paddle.

I have webbed feet so I don't need salties.  But I love them.  Secret.  Don't tell. bbfn. That is French for bye bye for now.